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Befriending My Inner Wimp - September 2004

Last week I practiced yoga on the back of a horse. When my student Debby Gallie-Miller offered me a weekend retreat, complete with trail-ride and playtime with her awesome friends, it took a lot of breath and mindfulness to get me to agree to climb on top of that horse. Last minute jitters kept me awake the night before we set out. I came to realize that underlying the fear of riding itself, lay a deeper fear of exposing my anxiety to others. I didn’t want these hearty horsewomen, who respected me as a yoga teacher, to encounter my ‘inner wimp’.

It’s true. I have a big inner wimp. She comes out particularly when I’m more than two feet off of terra firma. I’m useless on a ski slope-the gondolas alone do me in. So, sitting astride a horse that stands 16 hands high, reduced me to jelly. "Deb, I’m terrified," I admitted, my feet swinging helplessly in the stirrups. "It’s just balance, Robin," Debby coached me. "You have good balance. Stabilize your lower body. Extend your spine. Breathe." Yoga. Instantly, I knew what she meant. Everything I had learned about myself through my years as a yoga practitioner still applied up on that horse.

We often forget that we take ourselves along with us wherever we go. The more we can see ourselves as our best ally, the sweeter the journey. Unfortunately, many of us spend our lives afraid of the ‘monster within’ who at any moment may jump out and unmask our imperfections. As one student confessed recently after a meditative practice, "My biggest fear has been being stuck with myself " so that was excruciating!"

Stuck is how many of us feel; stuck with the person we perceive in the mirror. Our degree of ‘stuckness’ seems to be in direct proportion to the amount of fear driving our choices. When we avoid situations which challenge us to befriend the unacknowledged parts of ourselves, we stunt our own growth. Not only do we suffer, but we co-create a world that is spiritually deadened. As we ponder how it is that there is so much strife and disharmony on the planet, we must look within and notice the wars we wage upon ourselves. According to the Dalai Lama, the only way to stop global destruction is for each of us to cultivate compassion for ourselves and through that, compassion for others.

Up on the Esmeralda Basin, my inner wimp and I explored balance in relationship with a beautiful mare named Blossom. We meandered through meadows of wildflowers, across rocky crags, side winding around narrow switch backs. When fear arose, I remembered to breathe and encourage myself. Sometimes merely admiring the majestic vistas, or chatting casually with Debby and the Gals, settled my nerves and helped me to appreciate the gift of this new experience. As we trotted into Camp five hours later, my wimp and I were saddle sore, but strangely at peace.

Getting unstuck, in part means examining all the ways we have subjugated and disenfranchised ourselves from our heart. It means being willing to see how often we act and react from fear. Through movement, breath and awareness, yoga teaches us to know our tendencies, face and transform them. It helps us become more accepting of our vulnerability and confront our personal challenges" on and off the yoga mat; even on top of a horse. It offers a path of illumination, so we can always find our way back home and know that we’ll be there waiting with open arms.

Blessings,

The Yoga Barn, Inc.
Robin Rothenberg, Certified Yoga Instructor
660 NW Gilman Blvd., Suite C6, Issaquah, WA  98027
Studios located in both Issaquah and Fall City
Phone: 425.427.0038  -  Fax: 425.427.0613
E-mail: info@yogabarn.com  -  Web: www.yogabarn.com

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